Wait for your buddy.
Finish first while your buddy's still going and you choose: stay or head off. Your wait rate is how often you stay.
Use it in your browser today. iPhone and Android apps soon.
Never poop
alone again.
Someone nearby who's also on the throne, one tap away. Chat, cheer each other on, and keep talking after you flush.
Why Turd Talk
Everyone goes.
Nobody has to go alone.
A few minutes on the throne, every day, phone in hand. Turd Talk turns them into a chat with someone who gets it.
1 tap
to start a session
0
real names, photos or phone numbers
18+
adults only, every account
How it works
Sit down. Tap once.
Say hi.
Three steps and one thumb. You'll be chatting before the seat gets warm.
Step 1
Start a session.
Tap the big orange seat when you sit down. Your timer starts and we start looking.
Step 2
Get matched.
We pair you with someone in your area who's also in a session. Accept, or pass without them knowing.
Step 3
Chat it out.
Set your status and trade war stories. Tap I'm Done first and you choose: wait for your buddy or head out. The chat stays.
The app
Designed for the throne.
Big targets for one thumb, glass that stays out of the way, and nothing to figure out mid-session.
One big button.
Shaped like a seat, sized for a thumb, impossible to miss.
Matched in moments.
We look in your area first, then wider. Distance and direction are never shown.
Every session, counted.
Time, streak and how often you waited, the moment you flush.
Live status
Say how it's going.
Without saying a word.
One tap sets your status, and your buddy sees it right away. Three choices, no explaining needed.
Launched.
Mission accomplished. Your buddy gets the good news.
Waiting.
Holding steady. Settle in, there's time to chat.
Struggling.
It's an uphill battle. Your buddy will send strength.
Features
More than a chat.
A whole movement.
Streaks, stats, friends and leaderboards. Everything that turns a quick visit into a habit worth keeping.
Know your ATTP.
Your average time to poop, from sitting down to I'm Done. One number, just for you.
Begin a deuce.
Invite a friend to go at the same time. Two people, one moment, zero shame.
Sync with friends.
Get a buzz when a friend sits down, and let them know when you do. Switch it off for everyone or for one friend.
Keep your streak.
Regularity, rewarded. Watch the days stack up.
Climb the ranks.
Rate how glorious it felt and opt in to the daily and weekly boards. Only your handle and score show.
React to anything.
Long-press a message for a quick reaction. Yes, there's a 💩.
We'll buzz you.
A match, a message, a deuce invite. Pick which ones in Settings.
Sign in your way.
Email and password, a link by email, a passkey, Apple or Google. No password if you'd rather not.
- Email and password
- Email link
- Passkey
- Apple
Mini-games
Got a minute?
Play a round.
Four quick games for you and your buddy, right inside the chat. Challenge them from the games button beside the message box.
UNCLOGATHON.
Tap to unclog your toilet. It's a tug-of-war: the faster they tap, the harder yours gets.
- A 30-tap lead wins on the spot
- 3-second countdown, then go
- Most taps when time runs out wins
Tic-Tac-Loo.
🧻 against 💩 on a 3×3 board. Three in a row wins.
- Plays right above the message box
- A minute a move, or you forfeit
- Keep chatting while you play
Whack-a-Poop.
Poops pop out of nine toilets and duck back down. Bonk them first.
- Same pop-up pattern for both of you
- Every whack checked by the server
- Most whacks wins, ties are a draw
Bowl Bowling.
Flick a toilet-paper roll down the bathroom hall at ten plunger pins.
- Aim with a flick of your thumb
- Both of you watch every throw land
- Most pins after three throws wins
Results post in the chat, and every result screen offers a rematch. Every move is decided on our side, so nobody can cheat their way to a win.
A session, start to flush
Seven minutes.
One new buddy.
What a typical visit looks like, from the moment you sit down to the chat that outlasts it.
0:00
You sit down.
Tap the seat. Your timer starts.
0:14
Matched.
ThroneRanger is nearby and says yes.
0:21
Hi.
The first message lands. ThroneRanger sets their status to Struggling.
7:24
I'm Done.
You finished first: wait for ThroneRanger or head off.
Later
Still talking.
The chat lives on in Chats. Add them as a friend if you like.
Privacy and safety
Nearby.
Never located.
The whole point is that nobody knows it's you. Every part of Turd Talk is built around that.
Area only.
Your phone rounds its position to an area about 5 km across before it sends anything. Nobody sees your distance or direction, and the area is dropped once you're matched.
Private chats.
Only you and your buddy can see your chat. If one is reported, we look into it. Blocking someone ends your chat with them.
No real names.
Just a handle and a color. No photos, no phone numbers, and you choose who sees your wait rate.
Block and report.
One tap from any chat or profile. Reports come to us, and everyone here is 18 or older.
FAQ
Questions?
Answers.
Everything people ask before their first session.
Is this real?
Yes. It's a working app you can use in your browser today. The iPhone and Android apps are coming soon.
Can my match find out where I am?
No. Your phone rounds its position to an area before anything is sent, and no distance or direction is ever shown to anyone.
Does it need my location?
Yes, to find someone nearby. Your phone rounds it to an area about 5 km across before sending it, and it's dropped once you're matched.
Who can read my chats?
You and your buddy. If a chat is reported, we look into what happened.
What games can we play?
UNCLOGATHON, Tic-Tac-Loo, Whack-a-Poop and Bowl Bowling. Challenge your buddy from the games button beside the message box, and the result posts in your chat.
What if nobody's nearby?
You keep your place in the queue while we widen the search to the areas around yours, and we buzz you when someone sits down. Or invite a friend to begin a deuce.
What happens if I pass on a match?
Nothing they can see. Passing looks exactly like running out of time, you both keep your place in the queue, and you're never offered each other again.
Join the Poopulation
Your throne
awaits.
Create an account in your browser, then you're one tap away from your first session.
For adults 18 and over · iPhone and Android apps are coming soon.